TV… Outlander Season 1 (2014)

#2010s #AllPosts

 

Forty Shades of Tartan…

 

In 1945, married Claire Randall goes back in time in 1743, then falls madly in love with a man in a kilt.

 

Claire and Jamie

Claire and Frank

“Outlander” trailer, c/o Starz and photos © Sony Pictures Television

 

Today the plan is to gitter about the first series of Outlander (2014). This post is about the first series of the Starz television programme as opposed to the book, game and graphic novel of the same name. There is now a tie-in colouring book (where you can colour in Jamie’s bare chest to your heart’s content.. steady out there) – yes, a colouring book – that Darlin Husband was joking about giving me for Christmas (and did).

Husbands can now use this colouring book to work out how obsessed their wife is with the series. This is by seeing if she colours in those kilts using the correct tartan colours! If wifey does this to perfection, get worried guys. This series is based on the first of eight books (at the time of writing)… which could mean 8 colouring books (or more) if you are really unlucky.

The main reason I watched Outlander was because it is based in my native SCOTLAND!!! I am sure that all other expats, from near and far reading this will understand the capitals and use of the multiple exclamation marks.

Location, location, location is why we as expats watch dire TV Sunday night dramas like Heartbeat or films like the excellent The Angels Share (2012) or even the TV series Grand Designs (1999). This is to hear those familiar accents and see our homeland. Sometimes it backfires and it can be downright embarrassing however when a full-on native is being slammed by Gordon Ramsay (believe me I’ve been there).

To explain more, I recently watched the third and final Hobbit film, Battle of the 5 Armies. Out of nowhere, Scottish comedian extraordinaire, Billy Connolly’s character (finally) appeared in the action. To my joy yet horror, he sounded like he was about to launch into his comedy routine which he sadly didn’t. This delivery felt totally inappropriate at the time and place. But still to this expat, his voice was like Highland music to my ears (but more bearable).

Hollywood casting directors please note Mr Connolly can act, if you watch Indecent Proposal, Mrs Brown and / or Columbo you can get a wee taste of his acting skills. But I digress. Just as Northern English expats listen to Gene Hunt rants in Life on Mars (2006-7) just because it’s Philip Glenister, a soft-spoken, Cockney actor impersonating your accent doesn’t mean it’s not HOME.

Some actors should stick to their own accents which is probably why Irish people avoid watching PS I Love You (2007) and Leap Year (2010). These have Irish characters played by Scottish actor, Gerry Butler and the English, Matthew (is not so) Goode in doing an Irish accent.

Hell, I know that Sean Connery made his career out of using his Scottish accent on all occasions… and people love him for it. But as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather see Connery as a Russian with a Scottish accent with no explanation… and you guessed right, Connery and his on-screen family’s accents didn’t convince me as credible in Family Business (1989).

Outlander is officially a historical, time travel romance, which is great in theory. This meant for me that my Darlin Husband could pick holes in both the time travel element, the history and the Finnish subtitles (as he also speaks fluent Finnish). Unofficially, it’s more cliched than that much complained about than that Ireland set episode of EastEnders.

Incidentally, I must give full credit for the title of this post to Darlin Husband. He renamed this programme Forty Shades of Tartan when we watched it and it’s sort of now stuck with us. Especially when the underlying S and M plot became more and more evident. I normally don’t read or watch contrived romance or S and M bodice rippers or any combination of these so we have totally avoided the Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) sagas.

To define a contrived bodice ripper, I mean a nice girl from a terribly posh background who meets a rough diamond, hates his uncouth ways, gets saved by him from a not so major catastrophe for him yet major for her, yet she then tames him, and this leads to lots of meaningful looks, falling in love, montages, soft-focus sex and then the they live happily ever after montage… This is after he’s proved he’s vulnerable and has a good heart under his rough demeanour (of course).

Outlander is a bit like Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman (1993-98) but is set in the Highlands. It’s complete with a prim, high moraled female protagonist – into dubious 17th century S and M sexual practices such as including daggers at the throat -, an English woman from the future of 1945, with Caitriona Balfe as Claire Randall. The object of her (and allegedly the rest of the world’s) affection, is Jamie Fraser (Scottish home-grown totty or Dumfrieshire “homeboy”, Sam Heughan) from 1745.

The duo has a nemesis in 1745, Captain Black Jack Randall, a relative and the double of her husband in 1945, Frank Randall (Tobias Menzies in a dual role). Captain Black Jack is also into S and M, with Jamie and using handcuffs. Poor Jamie, he must wish at times that he’d left Claire to Captain Jack’s advances at the start of the series.

The time travel involves her transporting herself to the 18th century by passing through standing stones. Jamie has helped her to return home via the stones a few times (possibly hoping she will stay there (I know I did)). Claire, herself plans to escape from various evil English and Scottish characters by heading towards the stones. In a non-surprising development, conveniently for her, at one point they were only a stone’s throw away (sorry about the pun).

Claire’s best friend and confidante is Geillis from 1743. Geillis is only too briefly identified as being another time traveller, but this is mentioned once by the character and then she is taken to be hung for being a witch. This is a shame as this plotline would be much more interesting than Jamie baring his chest yet again. Yawn.

Jamie shows his chest considerably more than Jason Statham. Jamie is regularly shirtless and being whipped in flashbacks to Jack Randall’s pleasure. Meanwhile, Claire is yet again plotting her escape from various situations or is on the verge of a violent rape.

There is a travesty of using the Skye Boat Song music for the theme tune, which has massacred this lovely wee Scottish song. The Skye Boat Song is usually learnt by many a wee lassie or laddie at school since the dawn of time (probably). They kept the haunting tune but inexplicably changed the words to fit the programme and ruined it for everyone in Scotland.

Over the Outlander series duration, it becomes all chocolate boxy and sickly. It turns into Hollywood’s idea of Scotland where HD has never been so green and at times you can almost smell the heather. The show is set in the run-up to the Battle of Culloden of 1745 where the English beat the Scots.

If you get bored, why not have a game of spotting the cameos before your sofa companion? Representing Scottish actors, are Scottish actors such as Douglas Henshall and Bill Paterson who keep their accents. Yay. The English actors include a who’s who of thespians such as Simon Callow and Tobias Menzies.

Luckily for Claire – and for those viewers who can’t understand Scottish accents – she can understand both the Scots and their wee Scottish sayings, and the English thespians. She often acts as a mediator or translator. Just waiting (and hoping) for a wee cameo by Alan Rickman or Hugh Grant. But maybe certain English actors are too expensive to cast.

Jamie is the most understanding man ever, in that he constantly saves his future wife from being raped violently. This woman was saved several times from various castles and prisons, and in doing so it is often to his detriment. He even believes her when she explains her time travel experience to him. Wee gullible lamb, I feel this will end badly.

In the final episode of the series, she predictably decides not to go back to Frank, her other husband in the future. Instead, she returned to Jamie, the husband in the past saying “On your feet, soldier.” This line was spotted by Darlin Husband as a line from the first Terminator movie in a scene where Sarah Connor says it to John Connor’s dad Kyle Reese.

Maybe Geillis was an Arnie Schwarzenegger fan and a fellow time traveller from the 1980s. Then Geillis mentioned this film dialogue when she and Claire were stuck in prison awaiting their trial. It would have made a more interesting end to this saga though, if Arnie Schwarzenegger made a cameo as a travelling through the stones, time traveller Terminator and then he gunned them all down Terminator style.

This ending to the series would mean one season and therefore be much to the relief of husbands everywhere. They then wouldn’t have to watch the whole goddamn saga, buy the DVD box sets or even buy the colouring book! As I’ve a feeling this story will go on and on… and on.

 

Weeper Rating:  0/10

Handsqueeze Rating: 0/10

Hulk Rating: ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎/10