FILMS… Bridesmaids (2011)



Five reasons to elope! Plot, spoilers and some practical advice…


A comedy about bridesmaids’ rivalry with Kristen Wiig, one for the girls.


Bridesmaids trailer, Universal Pictures and photographs © Universal Pictures


You met Him, the love of your life. You dated, met His parents, He met yours.. your father likes Him because He makes you happy…your mother adores HimYou moved in together and now He‘s done it, He‘s gone down on one knee – or not –  and asked you if you want to be with Him forever as His wife.

Inside you have been waiting for this moment ever since you were wee and you know He‘s the one… you squeak out a yes. Then it’s the time as only girls will truly understand, for the major dilemma of who and how many bridesmaids to have and…. who won’t be offended. Also whether family members are really the “safest” option…

It’s easier for men, a best man can be his brother, your brother or his best friend since university. You as a girl, meanwhile have approximately 100 Facebook friends, 2 sisters and his 3 sisters, your female cousins and the numerous rash childhood and possibly drunken promises you feel duty-bound to keep to choose from.

Can you really put your female friends and family members through this much torture..and these numbers haven’t even reflected your male best friends, let alone your boss’s wife or children…or the family pets? But if you want reasons to elope watch Bridesmaids (2011).

The movie stars Kristen Wiig as Annie (who isn’t the bride). Wiig also helped write the screenplay and I’m sure she had some input in the casting too. This as the first scenes involves her in the enviable position or positions of simulating making love with Ted.

Ted is played with Don Draper’s caddishness, by a thinking woman’s crumpet. A man who a Yorkshire friend would like to have served up on a butty. Cue fanfare… it’s delicious and shirtless for most of his appearances (thanks Kristen)… Jon Hamm. It turns out that Ted uses her as a booty call when his number 1 and number 2 are unavailable.

Annie used to own a bakery and the business failed. She now lives with her flatmate Gil (a surprise Matt Lucas cameo) and his sister, Brynn. Annie works in a jeweller’s shop where she must muster up enthusiasm that love is eternal daily, a job she finds difficult as the studmuffin, Ted just wants her as a fuck buddy.

Her best friend Lilian (Maya Rudolph) and Annie have been best friends since childhood. At one girly get together Lilian announces she is engaged. This leads to a lot of girly squealing, and please note guys all girls do this. At this point, Darlin Husband turned and asked me if “I turned into a loading ZX Spectrum” when I told my friends we’d got engaged.

I also confessed that I turned into a demented hamster when a friend told me she was having a baby a few years ago. But even the most hardened of women and more cynical of romantics get excited about these matters. Fact.

Lillian asks Annie to be her maid of honour, along with four other women. These include a sister-in-law to be Megan (Melissa McCarthy), a friend, a cousin and her future husband’s boss’s wife, Helen (Rose Byrne). (You can go to the loo when the cousin and redhead are on-screen as they aren’t really important to the plot. Apart from adding to the “hilarity”.)

Annie dislikes Helen on sight, as Helen appears to be Annie’s nemesis. Helen is pretty, stylish, says the right thing, does the right thing, and is rich and this combination means she is Annie’s nightmare. There is an instant dislike between these women.

Annie then organises a lunch for the bride and bridesmaids to be at a local dive of a Brazilian restaurant before they go and choose their dresses. This is after her Parisian bridal shower theme is dismissed by Helen and then the others. The girls all choose different dresses in line with their hair colouring, body size and bank balance. Then all bar Helen – who sensibly chose not to eat – exhibit the grimmest of all food poisoning symptoms. 

Around this time Annie meets a friendly, sweet and just lovely cop with a heart Officer Rhodes. Rhodes has an Irish accent on par with Liam Neeson’s (Chris O’Dowd), so what’s not to like? Unless you still hoping for Jon Hamm to be the one, which our heroine is. Fool. Rhodes is wittier and definitely more fun. Rhodes stops her car and in between some flirting and obvious chemistry, he tells her off for not fixing the rear lights of her car.

The bridesmaids all head for Vegas – in a slow-motion homage to the Hangover films – taking up Helen’s suggestion for the Hen Night. Annie accepts a sedative from Helen due to her flying fear and then she makes a scene on the plane. The girls then have to head home by coach. Lilian tells Annie she’s giving her wedding duties to Helen as it’s stressing Annie out.

Meanwhile, after seeking out his company, Annie has a fun date with Rhodes after which they make love. He shows his love and commitment with a cappuccino and invites her to bake with him, not throwing her out as she is used to with Ted.

Rhodes is a nice and supportive fella, but his commitment and encouragement to make her bake again freaks Annie out. After she is involved in an accident once again and asks for Ted’s support, Rhodes gives up on her. Ted shows his true colours and leaves after Annie does not respond to his sexual needs right away.

Annie then falls out with Lilian after Helen upstages her with a Parisian themed bridal shower. This was an idea that was originally Annie’s. Annie responds to this situation badly and is asked to leave the wedding shower and not come to the wedding by her now one-time best friend.

Annie loses her job, home and potential for a decent bloke in one full sweep. She moves in with her mother (Jill Clayburgh) and then is given a kick up the arse by her fellow bridesmaid Megan (Melissa McCarthy) to show some spirit. Annie then tries to rectify things by making Rhodes a cake to apologise.

Lilian goes missing – The Hangover (2009) film plot anyone? – before the wedding. Helen and Annie then team up to find her and after some animosity they become friends. She tries to get Rhodes’ attention in numerous ways by breaking the law using her car and he helps trace Lilian to her flat and there the girls reconcile.

It cuts to the wedding where the vows are made and then girl band Wilson Philips sing – with more shades of the Hangover films here – and the three girls are now friends. Rhodes appears with his cop car and Annie gets her man and he whisks her off…..after a big soppy sloppy snog.

This best friends comedy seems to act out the clichéd romantic comedy but as a girl likes girl, girl likes girl, girls fall out and girls make up movie. Also, it shows the bright side of having a huge amount of bridesmaids, as you don’t offend that many people.

Choosing a bridesmaid can be a difficult choice if you have sisters, numerous female cousins and numerous sisters-in-law-to-be and about 5 or 6 friends who previously made you their bridesmaid and you would feel guilty if you didn’t ask…

However alternatively girls this is why you should be actively encouraging your love to elope. As you don’t have the headache of choosing what is probably the second most important decision of your adult life. This is the decision that may come back and haunt you.

But when choosing that bridesmaid think… who has been there for you since childhood, who has been with you no matter what, who has held you when you cried over the object of your affections at school, who was your best friend at nursery, kindergarten, primary school, secondary school and university, and remember these promises are NOT binding.

Then ponder on who put you up after you fell out with him for the night, who was there when your dog/cat/budgie died when you were 10 and then discount all these women and then pick your 7-year-old niece because you are on the wee side and everyone else will just look like henchmen no matter what build they are. 

Or do as I did and elope, as you only need to coordinate flowers with you, you can choose your dream frock without worrying about if you can get bridesmaids’ frocks to match. Most importantly you do not have to spend the entire run-up to or the day of your wedding trying to sort out a bridesmaid fallout.

This fallout is inevitable due to the stress, dresses and arrangements involved. It will have an increased probability to happen when you least want it to. The best reason of all for eloping is you can spend all your wedding day snogging your husband, holding his hand all day, doing things only you want to do and spend all day with him. After all. He is who your wedding day is about.  Isn’t He?


Weeper Rating😦 😦  /10

Handsqueeze Rating: 🙂  /10

Hulk Rating: ‎ ‎mrgreenmrgreenmrgreen ‎  ‎/10

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