4 Screams and a sob.. some must see TV and Movie marital ceremonies (SPOILERS)…
Get your confetti ready as the wedding season is upon us here at Realweegiemidget Reviews. Here’s a wee selection of weddings for you…
Time for another list, this time it’s for 5 memorable weddings of the big and wee screen being the soppy (romantic) soul that I am. As the aftermath of the wedding concerned will be discussed too, please don’t read on unless you mind a few spoilers to these romantic scenes where boy marries girl and… I’m not including real life weddings here from reality TV, as I hate this genre with a passion. Living abroad, it terrifies me that the world may believe that we in the UK, are like the cast of Geordie Shore (2011-). This travesty of a programme is screened over here in Finland and avoided. It’s not just me, a current Finnish reality show shows Russian wives who live here in Finland with a Russian friend detesting this programme for the same reason. I’ve included 4 weddings which led me to have a bit of a Hulk moment with the screams and one Weeper, a sob. Weepers and Hulks relate to my review ratings. A definition of these is found HERE for newbies to the site.
The list also does not include British – or any other countries – Royal Weddings, as I stopped watching these eons ago when Sarah Ferguson married Prince Andrew, way back in 1986 ie in my teenage, hopelessly romantic days of Fergie bows. More recently in 2011 with a British bank holiday to celebrate the Kate Middleton and Prince William nuptials, my darlin’ husband then boyfriend enjoyed a sunny Bank Holiday together. Meanwhile “the nation” marvelled at Kate’s frock and watched the awful cash in movie William & Kate (2011). I’m also not including the Outlander (2014-) Jamie and Claire wedding. I’ve only watched 2 minutes of this particular nuptial on social media as I missed that episode being in Scotland at the time. Instead, I was one of two people attending much more important wedding then with my then betrothed, now husband.
Dynasty (1981-89) (HULK/ SCREAM)
Pictures © CBS Television Distribution Company
I remember gasping as a teen as apparently the whole cast had been mowed down by bullets at the Moldavian Wedding Massacre. The Carrington family and other guests lay apparently motionless on the ground covered in fake blood, I hoped the characters I found boring or annoying would die – Krystal for one made me yawn – and the more watchable and enjoyable characters would live. You really couldn’t continue Dynasty without Joan Collins as Alexis could you? I tuned in after this episode and series cliff hanger to find practically all the Carringtons escape scratch free – despite the blood – and dusting themselves off. After a quick head count, all were accounted for with only a few non-important casualties on the guest side. The aftermath has to go down in the most boring resolution to a cliff hanger ever. As the parody trailer shown alongside my Dynasty review HERE shows only one man could have really made it a massacre…
Dallas (1978-91) (HULK/ SCREAM)
Pictures © Warner Bros. Television
As you know, no list would be complete without an entry for my favourite prime time soap. This had to be my favourite of the Dallas wedding episodes, but the favourite Ewing proposal with Bobby and Pam mentioned HERE. I remember watching J.R, and Sue Ellen’s second wedding with bated breath as my two favourite characters walked down the Southfork driveway hoping and believing true love would find a way this time as much as their characters did that day. Sadly, it led to a WTF literal Cliff (Barnes) hanger, and inevitable fight ending up in the pool and later divorce for my favourite couple. The Cliff hanger haunted me for a week until the follow-up highly anticipated episode. The aftermath was more important to me than the who was the body in the Southfork pool story line. I didn’t need to worry of course til Holly Harwood set up J.R. – still in a honeymoon phase with this wife – in revenge using her womanly wiles by involving his mutually loved up Sue Ellen…
Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) (HULK/ SCREAM)
Pictures © Gramercy Pictures
As a Scot, I hated this particular segment which showed a Scottish wedding. Simon Callow’s character summed it up well calling it Brigadoon. Which it was, the worst bit was that everyone knew how to dance and it reminded me more of a choreographed dance number than a familiar Scottish wedding reception. At Scottish weddings often nobody knows how to dance all the numbers, so a whole roomful remembering is doubtful. Also we have a lot more fun because nobody takes the dancing bit seriously. This scene would be so much more realistic if there was least one drunk dancing with himself on the dance floor, at least one child dancing on the feet an extremely tall relative and a few kids getting a sugar high on the chocolate fountain being reprimanded by an adult.
My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) (HULK/ SCREAM)
Pictures © Tri Star Pictures
I really hated Julia Roberts’ character Julianne in this movie. After she spends the most of the entire movie trying to prevent best friend Michael (Dermot Mulroney) and the lovely harmless Kimmy (a very sweet Cameron Diaz) getting married believing he should marry her due to a pact. Julianne suddenly gets a pang of guilt and spends the rest of the movie trying to undo the mess she made. As the lovebirds marry and true love prevails, she then gives them their own tune to dance to as their first wedding dance. A lovely romantic ending? No, to me it felt like one last revenge act. This tune is actually her and the newly married Michael’s tune on loan til the wedded pair find one of their own. And they love her for this gesture. Why? WTF…
Three Men and a Little Lady (1990) (WEEPER/ SOB)
Pictures © Buena Vista Pictures
If you haven’t seen the ending, please don’t read on. If you don’t care or wanted to save yourself the price of a DVD after reading my review HERE, do continue. In the follow-up to 3 Men and a Baby (1990) Sylvia convinces herself she is marrying fiance Edward for daughter Mary’s stability. Admitting to her own feelings for the Magnum PI one only to her mother, Sylvia moves to the most stereotyped England ever to make her wedding plans. The non biological one that played Magnum zooms to England to declare love for Sylvia with the consent of the biological one and the support of the Police Academy one. After thwarting all the obstacles, he gets to the church just as she marries the dastardly one. The vicar reveals himself to be the biological one and I burst into tears….as true love conquers all.