The One with the Stat as a bad guy…
Strap into your seat as Toretto and his Furious dudes take you for a spin in their cars (yet again).
Furious 7 – Official Trailer (HD), Fast and Furious and photos © Universal Pictures
OK, I could almost taste the testosterone from the opening credits alone. This being my first full journey into the Fast the Furious franchise, having previously only watched the first five to ten minutes of one and I can’t remember even which number let alone what the plot was.
I gave up simply as I felt this was men’s turf and intruding so left Darlin Husband to the Rock and Vin Diesel street racing. The reason I watched this one was simply that Jason Statham was in it as the bad guy. So snuggled up to Darlin’ Husband I started to watch…
The plot for Furious 7 (2015) – yes, there was one, much to my surprise – goes kinda like this. Deckard Shaw (Statham) is the brother of Owen – a character from earlier in the franchise – who seeks revenge on the
Groot Dom (Vin Diesel) and his family for putting Owen in a coma. Fair dos.
So anyway Dom and this merry band of Fast and Furious dudes aim to kill him before that. After a confrontation in his office, Luke (The Rock, Dwayne Johnson) is hospitalised after a fight with Deckard. Deckard kills them off the dudes one by one, and started ironically in this particular episode 7, with a character called Han Seoul-Oh.
Dom finds out that his sister is pregnant but hasn’t told her husband Brian (Paul Walker) who wants to assist him find Deckard. After Deckard blows their house up, the action moves onto Japan where we have a car chase between Deckard with Dom in pursuit. But a covert team arrive – with amazing timing – led by Mr Nobody.
Mr Nobody is a somebody played by Kurt Russell. Oddly as Nobody arrives Deckard disappears and then Nobody offers to help find him. Nobody wants help to find the God’s Eye which is on a floppy disc and which will help them track down Deckard. Nobody needs help to find the creator of this programme who is being held by a mercenary…
Anyway, the film’s script consists of lines with cliché after cliché adfinitum – yes actual clichés were said rather than hinting at them – and even as a novice to these films I was able to beat the Rock and Diesel to two of them.
I was relieved it wasn’t 3D as the camera angles are fantastic if you don’t have vertigo, so at times you almost felt nauseous. I also needed a travel pill for most of the car scenes most of which your 11-year-old (yes, it’s a surprising 11 rating over here) will recreate in your living room with lots of Lego and toy cars. Unless you beat him to it.
There are a lot of cool stunts involving men, explosions and cars. The fight scenes are equally totally over the top and go on for hours, cut to another scene then return to the fight again which is still going on. I was able to go to the toilet at least twice during one fight and not miss any major or minor plotlines.
There are lots of babes – for your dad – and some romance in it – if you convince your girlfriend to watch it – which although contrived was touching and so I was on the verge of tears. Probably as they reminded me of many an 80s soap opera storyline. The film has the big weeper moment with a lovely and fitting goodbye to Paul Walker who sadly died during filming.
This film was a good time for me to differentiate between the Rock and Vin Diesel. I always thought they were the same person until my Darlin’ Husband tried – and failed – put me right during Guardians of the Galaxy (2014). But it didn’t really connect with me because he looks like a tree in that one so for the whole film thought he was Drax the Destroyer. As for the Rock, he reminds me of one of those stretchy plastic muscle men toys from the 70s.
It was good seeing the Stat playing against type as a special forces agent gone rogue which is a clear departure from his special forces agent back for one last job role. Of course, being the Statham, he still sounded like the third Mitchell brother from EastEnders (1985-).
Hopefully, he will take a leaf out of Sean Connery’s acting book and will never deviate from his original accent ever – and in this particular film sports the mad psychopathic look used by
Grunt Grant combined with Phil’s swagger. However, personally, I feel that the Stat is much better looking when he’s shirtless. Sadly, he isn’t shirtless here.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to Deadliest Bald Dude Part 8, where hopefully the Stat will sort ’em out as he’s well ‘ard as its heavily hinted the Stat will be back. Hopefully with his shirt off this time.
Weeper Rating: 😦 😦 😦😦 😦 😦 😦 😦 /10
Handsqueeze Rating: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂🙂 /10
Hulk Rating: /10